H1N1---AKA "War of the Worlds."

Amazingly enough, things at the POC seem to be calmer than normal. I've been working all week, Corrie is wiped from being caught in traffic, Laura is staying in Fort Worth for the weekend, and the teachers are teaching. Even the pets are calm. Mollie has gotten exhausted from playing all the time (plus, her shock collar is here and I think the mere sight of it is enough to make her behave), Buddy has gotten bored of escaping under the fence, and the cats remain subdued because they are lazy.
But there has been a new development. Apparently, one of the horsemen of the Apocalypse has visited our corner of Texas, and plague is running rampant in our streets. It's supposed to be called the H1N1 virus, but because that requires using the shift key when I feel it unnecessary, I'm going to continue calling it swine flu.
James Herriot, the Yorkshire vet-turned-writer talked about swine flu in one of his books. He said (paraphrased, because I cannot find the passage to quote) "Modern vets don't understand how lucky they are. They should be getting out of bed every morning shouting 'Hurray! No more swine flu!'" He devoted chapters to the panic, destruction, quarantine, and other delightful endeavours that come from a diagnosis of swine flu.
Let me reiterate something about swine flu: The following categories are at risk from this or any infection:
THE VERY YOUNG
THE VERY OLD
THE IMMUNE COMPROMISED
Are you under five? Are you over seventy? Is your immune system weak? No?
THEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FREAKIN' SWINE FLU! It's just the same as any other flu. Those of us in the medical community have been watching people sicken and die from regular old run-of-the-mill influenza for years, but do you see us running out to buy surgical masks during flu season? NO! Because common sanitary practices will pretty much keep you away from it.
The widespread "pandemic panic" has brought out an amusing side of humanity, not unlike the witch hunts of England and early America. If something new and seemingly unknown pops up, it immediately becomes the cause of EVERY PROBLEM KNOWN TO MANKIND.
I soon expect to see forwards like this in my inbox:
"PLZ FWD THIS 2 ALL UR FRIENDZ!!!! SWINE FLU, OR H1N1 IS EXTREMELY DEADLY! THE CDC HAS ISSUED A WARNING ABOUT THIS FLU THAT IT IS POTENTIALLY FATAL TO CONTRACT. REALLY, MY UNCLE'S COUSIN'S FATHER IN LAW'S NEICE TWICE REMOVED HAD A FRIEND WHO CONTRACTED SOMETHING THAT WAS PROBABLY SWINE FLU EVEN THOUGH IT HAD NO SIMILAR SYMPTOMS AND ALMOST DIED........"
At least we'll have a handy scapegoat for a while.
Too tired? Must have swine flu.
Headache? Probably the onset of swine flu.
Slight soreness in the legs? Oh garsh, better stay home, or you could be contributing to the wholesale spread of swine flu.
Overdraft at the bank? Swine flu!
Split ends? Danged swine flu!
Restless leg syndrome? Boo, swine flu!
Halitosis? More like Swine-flu-osis!
Low resale value on your car? Swine flu!
Static cling? SWINE FLU!
Shower mildew? SWINE FLU!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I'm tired, and going to bed. In my swine flu-infested sheets.