R.I.P. Mortimer

So there's been a small crisis at the POC for the last couple of days....the HEAT. The A/C shut down for the second time this summer. Oddly enough, the problem seemed to be with the downstairs unit. The upstairs stayed reasonably cool, considering the fact that the upstairs unit was working to de-hell two floors. Poor Tonya, whose room is always infernal anyway, was forced to come upstairs and room up with the second-floor chicks.
So the A/C guy showed up today. Same dude that was here before. Looked like of like Gabriel Iglesias after Weight Watchers, very sweet. He announced himself and immediately went outside to look at the units.
It was a surprisingly short space of time before he came inside with a thunderstruck look on his face. "Um....miss, I need you to come see sumting....outside."
I immediately agreed and tried to walk to the front door, but he blocked my path, looking oddly uncomfortable.
"Um...I don' wan' you to freak out or nut'ing."
"O....kay?"
"It's jus' dat I never seen anyting like dis before...Its kinda gross."

I laughed at him. He obviously wasn't used to dealing with POC-grade girls. Outside of our little phobias, we're not fazed by much.

"It's okay. Let's go look at it."
We walked around to the side of the house, and he pointed into the A/C fan. For a moment, I didn't see anything unusual. Then I moved closer, saw what had him so looped, and burst into laughter.

There was a rather large chicken snake wrapped around the central axis of the fan and anchored by the tail to the safety grate, effectively stopping the fan from spinning.

Awesome.

I continued to stare at me as I laughed. Between the dissipating giggles I asked, "So is that what's gumming up the works?"
"Um...yeah, I tink so. I'll check it out. Do you...um..."
"Yeah?" I stopped in my trek to return inside. He had not ceased to look uncomfortable. His hispanic accent got MUCH thicker with his next words.
"Do you have....de rubber gloves? I'll get de sneke out, but...do you have de rubber gloves?"
"Aww! Of course!" I actually said "Aww" aloud, so startled was I that I didn't think about giving this poor fella protection for his hands against the nastiness of a two-days-dead snake.
"I'm surprised you're not frekkin' out!"
"Oh, this is normal for this house."
"Snekes in your a/c???"
"No, weird stuff happening."
"......oh."

So that was it! He unwound the "sneke" and cleaned out the fan axis. The downstairs immediately began to cool. It was like magic. Just before he left, he told me with a big grin on his face,
"I took pitchurs of it, 'cause ain' no one at de office seen anyting like dis before. We try to top each other after de jobs is done for de day. Tonight, I win!"

So glad we could help you, nice A/C man. So very, very glad.

So apparently, it was a poor chicken snake, about an inch in diameter, who decided that there were tasty chickens on the other side of our fan, and was in the process of trying to get him some eats when the fan turned on, sealing his doom. I have decided to name him Mortimer posthumously.
Before people start asking, yes, he was dead, and NO I did not take pictures of the two-day decomposed massive snake to post online and send some poor snake-phobic into a panic attack.
But I feel sorry for the little guy, so here I would like to present:

Mortimer's Lament

Mortimer slid up the A/C
Hoping to nab something tasty
It turned out so sad
His timing was bad
The fan turned on and made his head pasty.

Farewell, Mortimer. You have achieved an honorable place in the POC Annals.