Dance, Dance Revolution, POC style!!

Well, I didn't think I would have blog materiel this week, as most of the house is in San Diego with...*sniffle* without...*sniff*...without me. *quiet weeping* Bring me a present from the SD zoo! I didn't expect to have any fodder with which to make a post. However, a good night's sleep and a grande mocha later, here I am.

People say "dance like nobody's watching." One of the great things about living in a house full of girls is that you can do just that, whether it's salsa, waltz, or the hokey-pokey. There is no fear of anyone watching, and the girls here are too loving and down-to-earth to make fun of you. Every now and again, one of us will push the furniture back against the wall and initiate a round of living-room dancing. Injury while this is happening is surprisingly rare.

With the atmosphere lending itself to uninhibited behavior, it's given me a chance to take a look at the personal dance tastes of all the girls. I've drawn my conclusions from what I've seen as well as what I know of the personalities of each girl.

Let's start with Lisa.

Lisa is the only one among us with any dance lessons under her belt. Even so, she only dances when it is the most dire of emergencies. She plays it off as though she's shy. I suspect the real reason is that she's to considerate to make the rest of us look bad. Not only does she have the unfair genetic advantages of a latin heritage and tiny little feet that don't get in the way of move-busting, she's got the hip mojo to make the simplest dance move look cool.

To dance like Lisa: Wait until everyone else is dancing, then bust a move in the corner out of view, breaking out in freakishly complex footwork. Occasionally take a break to try (emphasis-TRY) to teach someone else to get down with their bad selves. Repeat as often as necessary until fatigued. Rest while telling everyone else how cool they are and that "we didn't really NEED that coffee table you just fell through." Resume dance cycle.

Corrie is a little different. Let me preface this one by re-emphasizing just how white Corrie is. I do not mean that her skin is the color of sour cream. I mean that she is a CRACKER (keep in mind, Corrie, that this is coming from the Saltine Queen herself). That being said, she still manages to hold her own in our POC dance-offs. The reason for this is that as with everything else, any slight deficiency in badonkadonk is trumped by tiny-ness. She does have rhythm, but even if she didn't she would manage just fine by virtue of the cute little hops she executes at random intervals.

To dance like Corrie: Arms at right angles to the body, one palm up, one palm down, fingers slightly curled. Screw in the lightbulb, pet the dog. Every now and again, hop for no apparent reason. Follow this immediately with a giggle. Be sure to have airsick bags handy as overexposure to this concentration of cuteness may cause projectile vomiting and ocular meltdown in others. Please, dance responsibly.

Laura comes the closest to club dancing of any of us. She has pretty good rhythmic skill, and the sheer manic energy she has is translated to that. If you ever watch her shake her groove thing, I'm gonna need to ask one favor of you.....
Please don't tell her she's white.
Laura's universe subsists on maintaining the very fragile illusion that she is, in fact, black. If this illusion were to be ruptured, not only would she loose all ability to get down with her bad self, but her head just might explode. It's not something we like to talk about, so I feel it necessary to issue that warning to the general public. If you watch Laura dance beside a video of African tribal dancers, the effect is very similar. And so, we let her dream.

To dance like Laura: Never stand on two feet at the same time, unless you are wiggling your butt (in a very chaste and Godly manner, of course). At all other times balance must be maintained on one foot or the other with the other leg cocked in the air. Hands must always be in motion, either making circular patterns or beating on invisible drums. While dancing, pay no attention to the beat of the music, as it is immaterial to the movements you will be making. WARNING: Do not attempt a Laura dance if you are pregnant, nursing, or have a pacemaker, arthritis, clotting difficulties, or heart disease.

Tonya! Now, TonTon may be tall and long-limbed, but I don't think anyone has ever noticed even trace amounts of gawkiness during our random dance episodes. Our Tonya has an excellent sense of rhythm, and to her, dancing is just keeping rhythm with your whole body and throwing in a few flourishes for flavor. Not only that, but she has so much confidence that I think if she were having a seizure on the floor people would think she meant to do it and try to copy the "crazy new move." This carries with it the danger of being unhelped during a seizure and is probably why she surrounds herself with medical personnel while she is getting jiggy with it.

To dance like Tonya: Own it. OWN THAT FLOOR! The music don't run you, YOU RUN THE MUSIC! Jam like you mean it, and the tune and meter will CHANGE accordingly. Moves are unimportant, and an entirely unnecessary and troubling little detail. This dance is best performed to "When I Ruled the World" by Coldplay, which can be converted into fast-paced pop song with if you do it right. The only disadvantage to this style is that there must be other boogy-downers in close proximity. Dancing alone is like kryptonite to the Tonya waltz.

Now we come....*sigh*....to me.
I really don't want to talk about this.
But I will.
You ever seen a turtle try to turn itself over from being on its back? Ever seen a really, really fuzzy golden retriever puppy trying to run across a linoleum floor? Okay, combine those two images, and you've pretty much got my dancing. Not that it matters when you're in a group of awesome girls wearing pajamas in the living room of your own home, it's just awkward when I get into public.
To dance like Erin: Fake a back injury to try to explain why you are samba-ing like a sick camel. Break into the funky chicken at LEAST every fifteen seconds, or whenever it gets awkward. Whichever comes first. Because when you're doing the funky chicken, people are too busy laughing and thinking you're clever to realize that you really have no skills. Allow Tonya to do that spinny thing with you. Stub your toe on something and try not to say bad words. Repeat.


So there it is. Now you all know what we're doing when no one is here. Rest assured, though, that if you should try to sneak up and catch a glimpse of us doing all this, we will immediately push the furniture back in place and pretend to go about our business. Until you leave. The only person that has been allowed to watch our tribal ceremonies is Jen Eggers, and she was forced to participate. HER style, if you're wondering, is a montage of the other dancers'. She's so eager to please!